It’s Rating time!!! Hikes !!!!! Promotions !!!! Big Candy!!!

Let me share some of the procedures for getting hikes and better ratings. You might wonder are there any standard procedures.  Of course there are.

“Bosses don’t like giving hikes”, that’s the thumb rule. Their KPI’s are towards making profit, not to distribute it. Even if they are so convinced that you have worked hard, they won’t promote you. After all, they are not into philanthropy.

Then we might argue, if they don’t give hikes, we need to stand up for ourselves and demand for it. Fair enough! “If I am not given hikes, I decide to quit”. Seldom works though.

Asking for a hike from your manager is like getting a candy from a kid. You won’t get it how much ever you try. What’s the resemblence between a manager and a kid? It’s just that your boss is a grown up kid.

The only way to get the candy from the kid is through the birbal style. When Birbal was asked to make a line appear smaller without touching it, he drew a bigger line next to it demonstrating the theory of relativity in simplest form, several decades before Einstein.

Now I know what’s running through your mind. What has this got to do with hikes? Treat your manager like a grown up kid, promise him a bigger candy. Tell him if he gives you hikes, you will promise the big candy.

In fact I have tried it myself. I promise to exceed my targets and secured my hike. I just got the better of my boss. It was over ambitious on his part to accept such astronomical numbers, and all the more ambitious to expect that out of me.

Now what if your boss reduces your salary seeing you’re less than targeted performance? If he reduces your salary, you can tell him you are thoroughly demotivated and so my work is suffering. Make him feel that you will use ‘lack of promotion’ as an excuse to poorer performance.

Do you want to be promoted at CM II? Answer frankly. Don’t be shy. I asked this to my colleague. She said I don’t think I am ready for it. I just replied “All she needs to do is to grasp the secret to climb the corporate ladder bureaucracy. It’s a simple procedure. Ha Ha Ha

People get promoted to the level of incompetency. This means one should ask for promotion even if he thinks he is not competent enough??? No No No. New employees start at lower ranks, prove to be exceeding expectations in their assigned tasks, they get promoted and move up the ladder. This goes on indefinitely till the employee reaches a position where he/she is no longer competent.

The same being year-end, let me give you some easy steps for promotion which XXXX  Bank taught me. He he he

1)      First bring tiny results

2)      Create a subtle indication that if you are motivated you would bring better results

3)      Signal to your boss that you are under performing in the current role and would do wonders if promoted

4)      Ensure that your boss always feels that you will be his loyal subject, irrespective of promotion

5)      Show conviction- give him an impression that you are pre wired from birth for that position ONLY

6)      Give him an impression that he is going to create history by slaying old practices by promoting you soonest

7)      Make your boss the war hero. Celebrate false victory. Thank your boss for the promotion even before he commits anything on it.

8)      If you don’t get promoted, instead of quitting you will stay in the system and create additional nuisance.

9) Golden rule – Bosses jokes are always funny

10) Don’t underestimate your abilities. Your boss will take care of it.

11) First and foremost, recognize your bosses voice over phone

12) Fall in love with the swooshing sound, papers make when they fly by when you dont meet you deadlines. Because you will encounter this quite often in the daily huddles.

13) If you are caught sleeping, your immediate response should be , “Darn, why did you interrupt me. I had almost figured out a stunning solution to our biggest problem”.

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4 thoughts on “It’s Rating time!!! Hikes !!!!! Promotions !!!! Big Candy!!!

  1. Interesting way to look at it. Glad that it worked for you! I agree with false war hero! Sucking up is never a bad thing. I’ve had countless jobs where I misbehaved at times and got away with it simply because I made friends with the bosses. Such a good little perk!

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  2. Whatever I have seen till now about hikes / promotions, its mostly to do with 1. first impression 2. rapport with the boss 3. promising him to make him successfull. 4. projecting more than actually working
    But mostly its a dirty game like politics, sometime or the other we have to suck up to him, this takes away the joy of pure learning.
    I did not get point 12, however the rest leaving 13, are very quite relevant.

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    • Thank you for sharing your views Abhi…Totally second you…

      Let me first say points 9 to 13, is written in a humorous note. Just enjoy the same in the lighter sense.

      To explain point 12, I don’t know how it works at Samsung …LOL…In banking, generally we have daily/weekly huddles, wherein papers fly in our superiors cabin if we don’t meet our targets/deadlines…This becomes so routine that if you want to lead a stress free life, you better fall in love with the sound papers make when they fly. If you don’t take that attitude, everyday would be hell for you.

      In addition to dedication, sincerity and hard work, ( these three being a must), flattery is also required to move up the ladder. The fourth one alone will take you nowhere mate.

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