When I am stressed I instinctively feel a desperate need to talk about my feelings and all the possible problems associated with my feelings. When i start talking, i just don’t prioritize the significance of any problem. If i am upset, I am upset about it all, big and small. I am not immediately concerned about finding solutions to my issues but rather i would seek relief expressing myself to my confidant and being understood. By randomly talking about my problems, i become less upset.
I understand, a man under stress tends to focus on one problem and forget others, whereas a women under distress tends to expand and becomes overwhelmed by all problems. By talking about it without focusing on problem solving, she feels better. I talk about past problems, potential problems, future problems, even about problems that have no solution.
“The more talk and exploration, the more better i feel. This is the way i function. In fact, WOMEN function. To expect other wise is to deny her sense of self.”
When I discuss with my soul mate in great detail about what is troubling my normal self, my stress disappears as I am being heard. After talking about one topic, I pause and move to the next one. I expand talking about problems, worried, irritations, frustrations and disappointments. These topics generally need not be in any order and are quite often not logically related. If i feel i am not being understood, I become all the more depressed. Talking is my natural and h healthy way of reacting to stress.
Let me try to give you an example:
Rosie come from work after an exhausting day. She wants to share her feelings about the day. She says: ” There is so much to do. I don’t have time for myself”
Leo says ” You should quit that job. You don’t have to work that hard.”
Rosie : ” But I love my job. They expect me to change everything at a short notice”
Leo : “Don’t listen to them. Just do what you want to do.”
Rosie : ” I am. I cant believe I forgot to wish my sister on her birthday today”
Leo: ” Don’t worry about it. She will understand”
Rosie :”Do you know what she is going through? She needs me”
Leo: ” You worry too much. That’s why you are so unhappy”
Rosie “I am not always unhappy. Cant you listen to me with more attention and patience?”
Leo : ” I am listening”
Rosie “Why do you even need to bother?”
After this conversation, Rosie becomes all the more frustrated than when she arrived home seeking intimacy and companionship. Leo also had no idea about what went wrong.He wanted to help, but his problem solving tactics made things worse.
“All that a woman needs when she is under pressure, is her soul mate’s UNDIVIDED Attention and TIME”